


i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you

by problematiclesbian



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, ladies this started as one thing then became another and then here we are?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-30 04:03:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13942194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/problematiclesbian/pseuds/problematiclesbian
Summary: So Lena congratulates her coworkers when they announce they’ve found the one. She smiles when Sam tells her about meeting Alex; the burst of joy she felt when Alex said the words that matched Sam’s wrist. She’s there when when James proposes to Winn, James repeating the words that have been written on Winn’s wrists for years. But she never discusses her own soulmate.And really, it just makes sense to avoid speaking to Supergirl.She’s just a scientist, Lena tells herself, and Supergirl is Supergirl. She could have anyone she wants, so why would she pick Lena?She’d never want to be with her, Lena reminds herself as she traces the words on her wrist. And Supergirl will never know, anyway, because Kryptonians don’t have soulmate marks.





	i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you

**Author's Note:**

> ladies i didn't even proofread because if i don't post it now i never will

There may have been another universe, Lena thinks, where her name might have meant something. Where her brother went crazy and her mother followed and Lena had to take over the company and became the CEO and everyone knew her last name. This isn’t that universe.

But this universe isn’t so bad either. Lena has her PhD and is working on a second masters; she lives with her best friend Jack, and two years ago, an old college friend, Winn, got her an interview working at the world’s most top secret organization, the DEO. She had a bad time in college when she decided not to study business, and she may be a bit of a loner now, but overall, she’s happy here, working with the world’s top scientists, assisting Supergirl and all the agents who save the world. 

There’s only one thing that  _ really _ bothers Lena. 

Her soulmate mark. 

It’s on her wrist, just like everybody else’s, and it’s just three words, written in careful script that Lena always keeps covered up with a watch. 

Lots of people go years and years without knowing their soulmate. Jack is still looking for someone to say to him the words on his wrist. So Lena tells herself she’s lucky; at least she knows who her soulmate is. 

She’s known since the DEO was attacked, and even though the rest of that day is blurry, bits forgotten out of shock, she can still remember the moment the room exploded, the flames and the certainty she was going to die. And Lena remembers, just on the verge of consciousness, when she felt Supergirl’s arms wrap around her, pulling her from the debris, and just as she passed out, looking into her eyes and hearing Supergirl’s whispered reassurance: “You’re safe now.” 

So Lena congratulates her coworkers when they announce they’ve found the one. She smiles when Sam tells her about meeting Alex; the burst of joy she felt when Alex said the words that matched Sam’s wrist. She’s there when when James proposes to Winn, James repeating the words that have been written on Winn’s wrists for years. But she never discusses her own soulmate. 

And really, it just makes sense to avoid speaking to Supergirl. She’s just a scientist, Lena tells herself, and Supergirl is Supergirl. She could have anyone she wants, so why would she pick Lena? She’d never want to be with her, Lena reminds herself as she traces the words on her wrist. And Supergirl will never know, anyway, because Kryptonians don’t have soulmate marks. 

* * *

So Lena is perfectly fine, pretending Supergirl isn’t her soulmate and hoping her huge crush goes away soon. She can act like she doesn’t feel her heart stop in terror every time a message comes in that Supergirl is hurt. Lena is a professional. She can deliver reports of her findings to Supergirl and her team without blushing or stammering or making any eye contact with Supergirl at all. She can casually walk-run out of the break room whenever Supergirl walks in. Lena can handle it. Really.

It’s just, 

Why does Supergirl have to make it so damn hard?

Somehow she’s always there, asking Winn about the research they’re doing, volunteering to test the latest defense prototype they’ve designed, walking out to the parking lot at the same time as Lena. It’s only a matter of time until one of her co-workers notices how many times Lena blushes and loses track of what she’s saying when Supergirl walks by. Sometimes Lena feels like this universe is out to get her. 

After another particularly bad attack against Supergirl, Lena starts working late in the lab. She tells herself it’s just part of her job, but seeing Supergirl- or Kara, as she had finally learned that day- lifeless in the concrete had scared her so much she couldn’t sleep. So instead, Lena spends her nights in the lab, working on a Kryptonite antidote. She has a few different ideas, but Lena knows how important the S symbol is to Supergirl, so she’s working on a way to infuse it into the uniform chest plate when she hears her voice.

“I didn’t think anyone else would be here this late.” There she is, leaning against the doorframe like this is the most normal thing in the world. 

“I, um,” Lena is way too aware of the fact Kara can definitely hear the way her heartbeat is increasing right now, “just working.” She gestures uselessly with a screwdriver. 

“At 1am?” Kara asks, not unkindly. She strides over to the table where Lena is working, standing so close their shoulders almost touch, and Lena doesn’t reply because she’s too busy trying to keep her breathing even. 

“What is this?” Lena is surprised by how genuinely interested Kara sounds. 

Science is the one thing Lena can always talk about, so she launches into an explanation of the device, eventually trailing off when she looks up from her hands and finds Kara looking at her with an expression Lena can’t read. 

“You’re building this for me?” Kara asks, and Lena doesn’t understand why Kara sounds so shocked. 

“Of course, I mean, you’re Supergirl.”

Kara seems to deflate a little at this, and Lena hurries to amend her statement. 

“I mean, you’re Supergirl, and that’s great, I mean, you’re incredible, but even if you weren’t, I’d still want to make sure you were safe, I mean, as Kara Danvers, you’re just as incredible, your writing, I mean-” Lena cringes and cuts herself off when she realizes what she’s saying. 

Kara laughs, a genuine laugh, and her eyes do that thing that they only do when she’s really smiling, not that Lena pays attention to these things, and Lena can feel herself swooning. 

“This is amazing,” Kara tells her, and for the first time, Lena believes it. 

* * *

Somehow, after that night, in a way Lena can’t quite comprehend, Lena and Kara become friends. Sometimes when she works late, Lena will come in to work the next day and find a coffee waiting on her desk. She repays the favor by leaving two dozen donuts in the breakroom. Inexplicably, they start texting, and Lena starts actually going to those game nights Winn had always invited her to, though she maintains she’s not coming just because Kara asked her. Wednesday becomes their standing brunch day. And all the while, Lena makes sure her wrist is covered.

Lena had hoped becoming friends with Kara would make things easier; she’d hoped having Kara in her life would be enough. She should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. Lena had already been infatuated with Supergirl, but getting to know Kara Danvers makes her crush infinitely worse. 

Supergirl is all steel and certainty and justice where Kara is all clumsiness and soft voices and empathy. Lena is proud when Supergirl saves the day, but it doesn’t compare to the burst of pride she feels when she sees Kara’s name on a headline. They’re two sides of the same coin, Supergirl and Kara Danvers, and Lena can’t even pinpoint the day her hopeless crush becomes something much deeper. She doesn’t know how, but sometime between the movie nights and the late night phone calls, between Kara helping Lena on her bad nights and Lena helping Kara on her angry days, between the casual conversations in the break room and staying behind at parties to clean up together, sometime between the moment Kara looked her in the eyes, saying the three words she’d been waiting to hear and every moment after, Lena has fallen in love. 

* * *

At a party at Winn’s house, the topic of soulmate marks comes up. Lucy is visiting, a lawyer from the DEO that Kara and the rest are close with. It’s casual, starts with Winn and James telling the story of their first meeting, but Lena feels the panic rising in her throat just the same. She quickly excuses herself, stepping away to the balcony, pushing the door open and taking gulps of fresh air. She grips the iron rail and wills herself to calm down.

She’s fine. This is fine.

“Lena?”

Kara slides the door open, momentarily releasing the noises and lights of the party before she slides it shut behind her. 

Lena tightens her grip and doesn’t look up. 

“Lena?” She can feel Kara hovering behind her but she knows if she sees Kara’s concerned face now, she’ll cry, and how can she explain that? 

Kara hesitates when Lena still doesn’t reply, and for a second Lena is afraid Kara will leave. Instead, Kara comes and stands next to her, leaning on the rail and looking out at the stars. 

“I’m just gonna talk, okay?” Kara asks her softly, and when Lena is able to nod, Kara starts talking quietly, telling her about the stars.

Lena listens to the calm cadence of Kara’s voice and counts in her head until she calms down. 

“Thank you,” she mumbles. 

Kara just nods, and when Lena glances to the side, Kara is looking at her with such a tender expression of understanding that Lena can feel her heart crack in her chest. 

“It’s hard for me too.” Kara’s eyes have that far off look she gets when she talks about her planet. “Krypton didn’t have soulmate marks like they do on Earth.” Kara looks back into the party with a solemn expression. “It was different there.” 

There’s a long pause. Lena can hear the wind rushing past the buildings around them. She wonders if Kara can hear her heartbeat. “When you met your soulmate, you looked them in the eyes and you just... you just knew.”

Lena hears this and there’s a second where everything stops. Time slows down, and in the space between this second and the next, she has a choice. Maybe in a different universe, she’d choose differently, she wouldn’t ask, she’d let it go and let things stay the same. But not in this one.

“Do you know who your soulmate is?” Lena hears herself ask, even though she knows the answer may finally be what ruins her. 

Then Kara nods and Lena feels her heart break and break and break. 

* * *

There’s really no other way to spin it: Lena is avoiding Kara. It’s not like she wants to, of course, but she just doesn’t know how she can interact with Kara while knowing Kara is destined to be with someone else.

Lena’s not surprised. She knows, logically, this was inevitable. This was why she had never told Kara, after all. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

She’s moping in her lab space when Alex Danvers appears. Rarely does Agent Danvers come down to the lab.

“Agent Danvers?”

Alex gives her a slight, awkward nod. “Ms. Luthor.” 

“Is something wrong?”

Alex looks around uneasily like she’s hoping someone might appear and do this for her. “No. I just.” It looks like it physically pains Alex to say the words. “I just wanted to talk to you about your soulmate mark.”

“What?” Lena is ready to protest this, since 1) this is Kara’s sister and 2) it’s pretty personal to ask someone about their soulmate. 

“Listen,” Alex rubs the back of her neck and looks at Lena closely. “You know you’re the smartest person in this lab. Probably the smartest person in this organization.”

Lena considers the possibility she’s having a fever dream. Never in her life has she heard Alex Danvers praise anyone besides her sister or her girlfriend. 

“What I’m saying is, you’re very intelligent. You’re a scientist.” When Lena nods, Alex continues like this isn’t absolutely bizarre. “So use your brain. Look at the evidence, Luthor. You’re a smart girl.”

What,” now Lena looks around the room as if the answers might be hidden there, “the fuck does that mean?” 

Alex lets out an exasperated sigh. “Just think about it, okay?” Then she leaves, rolling her eyes at Winn’s desk memorabilia on the way out. 

* * *

That night, Lena lays in bed, looking at but not responding to the messages Kara has sent her today and thinking about what Alex said. Thinking about what the universe is trying to tell her.

Look at the evidence. Okay. Lena can do that. 

She traces the words on her wrist and thinks of Kara. She thinks of the flowers. She thinks of the lingering looks. She thinks of the rescues and the lip bites and the touches and the hugs and then Lena feels all the pieces slide into place, hitting her with sudden clarity.  

She has to see Kara. 

* * *

“Lena?” Kara opens the door, automatically smiling because it’s Lena, but confused because it’s one in the morning on a Tuesday. “Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

Lena starts pacing in front of Kara on the couch. “I don’t know how to do this.” She mumbles.

“Do what?” Kara’s crinkle has appeared. 

“I just…” Lena gestures at Kara hopelessly as if that would explain anything. She inhales deeply and tries again. 

“Do you remember when I had just started working at the DEO? There was an attack on the labs. You rescued me.” 

Kara’s face shifts from concerned to an extremely poor attempt at a poker face. “Um.. yes. I remember?” 

Lena stops paces and looks Kara in the eye. “Why?” 

Kara pauses for a long moment before answering. 

“I think you know why, Lena.”

Lena looks down at her hands, trembling. 

“Was that the first time we made eye contact?”

The room is very quiet. 

“Yes,” Kara exhales. 

“Kara.” Lena drops to her knees in front of where Kara is sitting on the couch and grips her watch that covers her soulmate mark. 

“Lena, wait.” Kara covers Lena’s hands with her own, stopping her. “I understand.. I understand if you don’t want to tell me. I know it can’t be ideal, having Supergirl as your soulmate-“

“IDEAL??” Lena’s voice must go at least three octaves higher than normal. “Kara Danvers, do you have any idea how long I’ve been in love with you?” 

“What?” Kara blinks at her in shock. 

Lena gets up and resumes her pacing. “I’ve been agonizing over if I should tell you you’re my soulmate for months, YEARS EVEN, and you’ve KNOWN this whole time??” 

“I’m your soulmate?” Kara stands up very suddenly from the couch and her voice is so filled with hope that Lena stops her pacing again to look at her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lena hesitates and breaks eye contact with Kara. “I just… I didn’t think you’d want someone like me.”

“Someone like you? Rao, Lena, you’re all I want! You’re my soulmate!”

It’s one thousand times better than any fantasy Lena’s ever had. “Kara…”

Kara looks at Lena imploringly. “Lena, you make me so happy. You’re all I’ve wanted for so long.” 

Lena gives a wet laugh because she’s very close to crying. “Well. That settles it then.” A lot has just happened in the last five minutes. Lena is a little faint. Or that could just because of how close Kara is to her. If she leaned just a little closer-

Then Kara breaks into a teasing grin. “So, you’re in love with me?” 

Lena feels a blush creep up her neck. “I don’t think I said that.”

Kara grins wider. “You did. A minute ago. 

Lena shakes her head very quickly. “I don’t think so.”

“What if I said it first?”

“I suppose that would be acceptable.” 

“Lena Luthor,” Kara steps even closer and gently grasps Lena’s hand, turning it palm up and slowly undoing the watch, uncovering the soulmate mark. She runs her fingers over the words reverently. “I love you.” 

“Really?” Lena asks weakly. Her heart is racing so fast. She can feel Kara, so close she could almost-

“Really.” 

“Well. I love you too.”

“Yeah?” Kara is smiling softly. “Do you want to go out with me sometime?” 

“On a date?” 

“On a date.”

“Yes,” Lena says quickly but trying to act like she’s not saying it that quickly.

“And does that mean,” Kara leans closer still, her eyes darting between Lena’s eyes and lips, “that I should wait until after the first date to kiss you?”

“Absolutely not.” Lena’s eyes flutter shut, the tension sliding out of her shoulders as she leans forward to kiss her soulmate. 

* * *

There are a lot of universes, Lena thinks, but she’s pretty happy in this one.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading i dont take any criticism so only comment if you have good things to say  
> disastrouslesbian/allloversbetray on tumblr 
> 
> also while yall are here, consider [voting for supercorp on the march madness poll](http://www.zimbio.com/brackets/TV+Couples+March+Madness+2018)


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